Love

Love. Isn’t that what it’s all really about? (Aside from the hokey pokey, of course.) Regardless of how successful one is in possibly every other aspect of life, if there is neglect in the realm of love and affection, everything else seems to kind of fall apart … doesn’t it? So, if something is that important to our well-being and to the truly satisfying living of our lives, then why is it that we still seem to struggle so much with understanding it and embracing it for what it is, and what it can be?

Maybe it’s because love is a chronic shape-shifter; romantic love, kindred-spirit love, familial love, brotherly/sisterly love, BFF love, mentor-mentee love, pet/pet-owner love, love as a metaphor vs. love as a (usually inconvenient) reality. With so many incarnations of one label playing a role in our daily lives in some way or another—whether with its presence or its absence—how can we be expected to be able to pinpoint and simply define what exactly love is, what it looks like, or where to find it? It’s like irony; we all somehow know what it means, but if asked to define it, we open our mouths with confidence only to quickly shut it again with a confused expression on our faces. (Note: there is a wonderful sequence in Reality Bites that illustrates this.)

Maybe we struggle with love because we want it so damn badly that our judgment becomes skewed. We search out signs of love anywhere and everywhere, and at the first hint of reciprocity, we pounce—hungry for the kill. It might very well be that this source of affection is not in actuality what we’ve come to believe it to be, and we’ve just allowed ourselves to be blinded by the notion. Having a disconnect like this regarding something as convoluted and complex as love and affection can really have some negative consequences.

So then, do we struggle with love because we witness others holding on to it in a capacity that we want to be holding on to it, so we let our jealousy do our blinding (consciously or not)?
Do we struggle with love because it terrifies us, and we tend to bolt in the opposite direction when we think we’ve actually found it?

Or does the struggle with love creep out of our own insecurities, and the paralyzing belief that we can only find it one time in life and then that’s it?

Do we struggle with love because we don’t really know the people around us?

Or does the struggle with love ooze out from the crevices of our own lack of knowledge about and communications with ourselves?

Until you are able to define who you are and what you want, how can you expect yourself to be able to find someone who is hyper-compatible with you? Until you know what you have to offer someone, how can you know the caliber of person you deserve in return? Until you know what you want from someone else, how can you know if they’re actually giving it to you?

I’ve been on both sides of heartbreak—as I’m sure is the case for most people. It really ****s. True. But it can’t stand in your way, it can’t block you; we can’t allow our past heartbreaks to sully our future potentials—we just can’t! Even if that does seem like the only option sometimes, we mustn’t allow the failures of our past to blind us from the possibilities of our present. We don’t want to get hurt again, so maybe we should just block out romantic love, turn our backs on it since it so harshly has turned its back on us before. But I ask you this: what is the point in that?

It’s like the surfer shark-attack victims; when asked if they plan on ever getting back up on the board, most of those people respond with an excited affirmative. Outsiders look on in question, but the surfers continue to explain that the reasons they were out in the water up on that board in the first place haven’t gone anywhere. Maybe they’ll alter their routine a bit, or take more precautions then they had in the past, but they’re still going to continue to grab their board and hit those waves.

Seeing as I’m very much one to whom self-preservation is not only important, but a driving factor in strategizing, I’ve really been trying to actively embrace the “love like you’ve never been hurt” concept. I’m realizing more and more that the deeper I delve into life and the experiences it has to offer me, the more potential for heartbreak I will be welcoming into my world as well. Living a sheltered life to try to prevent negatives from finding me is just not at all an option in my eyes. The negatives will somehow find a way to wiggle their way into my world regardless, and I know for certain that I eventually will meet up with death—so why would I try to avoid connections with people entirely just because they might not end the way I want them to? Do I want to arrive at my grave in pristine condition? Hell. Bloody. No.

Life is for living. Living is loving. Loving is living. Living is life.
Have you ever found yourself deeply drawn to a person without really understanding why? Maybe you feel like you’ve known them for forever even though you just met. They seem to get you in a way you’ve only dreamt about up till now. Making eye contact with this person is invigorating, and holding their hand proves electric. Conversations are always interesting, and silence is somehow comfortable. Just being in their presence seems to make everything a little bit better.

If you have found it before … what did you do with it?

Did you fight for it? Did you let it fizzle out? Did you embrace it as reality, or shun it as too good to be true? Did you beat it down, or build it up? Did you try your damnedest to make something work, but it just wasn’t meant to be?

The most important things in life require effort. That fact is never going to change. But effort doesn’t always have to imply a struggle. It takes effort to argue, but it also takes effort to really listen. It takes effort to read too deeply into something negative someone said, but it also takes effort to read something positive at face value. It takes effort to destroy something, but it also takes effort to create something. Whether writing an angry email or gathering a bouquet of wildflowers—effort is involved.

Take the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet, for example. Romeo and Juliet are simultaneously envied and ridiculed for their love story, but I gotta tell ya, the whole “communicating at the balcony” thing, that’s a big-time fantasy that I hold on to in my mind … and I’m certainly not the only one. It’s a lovely, uber-potent image used to illustrate the elusive emotion in focus, and it remains a solid fantasy in the minds of a grand percentage of women. Being one of those women myself, this image was one of the first things that came to mind when I realized that I actually do have such access to my bedroom window from the outside world at my current apartment. This allows me to hold on to this fantasy of Romeo professing his love to me; he’d just have to do it sans balcony is all … but, I’d totally be okay with that.

We adore the hyper-romanticized situation for the work of fiction that it is, but the actual idea itself of having the guy whom you care for so very strongly show up outside your residence to throw pebbles at your window to get your attention, and then, once he’s garnered your attention, maintain his hold on it whilst letting delectable words of adoration, admiration, and adulation just fall from his lips like rain water on the parched ears of the desert queen … to exert the effort to let you know how important you are to him. Yup. Rather delicious to think about.

(Side note: if Juliet had called to Romeo outside of his bedroom balcony, would it have been viewed as romantic … or desperate? Would Romeo’s heart have gone pitter-patter that much more quickly to see Juliet’s eyes beaming up at him from the ground below him? Hmmm …)

In love, we need to be accepted for who we are. Beyond that, in love (maybe more romantic love specifically?), we need to be embraced for who we are. I find my own laugh to be rather obnoxious, BUT, I laugh all the bloody time, which means my counterpart will need to find this attribute of mine endearing, if not straight-up desirable. Generally speaking, we don’t need (or typically even want) to be viewed as perfect, quite the opposite; we want and need to be accepted and embraced for being perfectly imperfect human beings. We want and need to be loved for who we really are, not for who we can pretend to be.


If you can find someone who can see you in the light of your own actual identity and still want to be a constant presence of any dynamic in your world, well—many congratulations to you, dear one, for you are loved.

To you and your own perfectly imperfect human beings:

Happy Love!

With passion and gratitude,

"Stranger"

*☆•.The Romantic Evolution of True Love.•☆*

True love is all about finding that one certain someone, and anthropologists have led us to believe that the quest for the perfect mate is evolutionarily based. Humans are, the researchers contend, a naturally pair-boded species.

The standard scenario goes like this: Human babies are born about three months too soon because upright walking changed the female pelvis and babies have to get out before their heads grow too big. As a result, human babies are born neurologically unfinished; they can’t sit up or grasp or do much of anything. By necessity, adult humans are designed to respond to the cries and babbles of infants; we rush to feed them and pick them up. The burden of this kind of child care is so intense, they say, that it takes two parents to bring up even one baby.

Women are prone to care for babies because they give birth to this packet of half their genes. But males will only help if the female pledges to be monogamous and the male is assured of paternity; the baby is only worth a man's investment of time and energy if the baby is indeed his.

Thus is born the non-Darwinian evolution of romance, hearts, flowers and chocolates, and the vow to be a pair-bonded for life.

But are humans really pair-bonded?

Anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy of the University of California, Davis, maintains that this pair-bonded scenario is old-fashioned and probably biased by what Western culture thinks is "right." Instead, Hrdy thinks, there are other, even better, ways to bring up babies. In her book "Mother Nature" (Ballantine Books, 2000), Hrdy claims that humans are really a cooperative breeding species, meaning that in the ancient and not so ancient past, groups of people took care of kids. Only recently has parenting been relegated to only Mom and Dad. But in modern times, there really wasn't any need for that male-female bond.

It may have been that groups of sisters were the best caretakers. They share genes in common, and therefore would be compelled to take good care of their nieces and nephews. Grandparents would also be likely candidates since they should be very interested in making sure their grandchildren, with whom they share so many genes, make it to sexual maturity.

Beyond Western culture where we favor idea of a monogamous pair-bond as the ideal caretakers of children, there's lots of evidence that even today cooperative breeding is still around. In many cultures, children are brought up by extended families that live together or across the compound. Studies of non-Western cultures also show that older siblings are also routinely involved in baby and child care. Even in Western culture today, daycare is a form of cooperative breeding even if those caring for our kids are not relatives but employees. It's still communal care of children.

If Hrdy is correct and our species has a long history of cooperative breeding, then there is no real reason for a lasting pair-bond between adults. In fact, many romantic bonds don’t last long enough to insure that a child will make it to adulthood maturity, let alone past grammar school. One look at the divorce rate and it's clear that even if our species has a hint of pair-bondedness in us, it's obviously ebbing away.

Does this mean we should forgo the flowers and candy and chocolate this time of year? Of course not. In the absence of lots of help to bring up the kids, we should take all we can get.

ჱܓღ Facts about loveツツ ღჱ

Tiny bits of information for Valentines.There are five facts about love that people should remember and understand.

Valentines is in the air.I can see stores filled with heart shaped decorations, shops full of heart chocolates and streets filled of flower vendors.Valentine’s Day,must be a great event to look for, I regard.

Valentines is Love,many people would say.It is love, when couple go on a date and enjoy romantic moments with each other. It is also love when he/she says, “I Love You”.

We may know a lot about love, but the most important facts about it, should be consider with utmost knowledge.

The 5 Facts about Love are:

1.True love never surrender. It might get tired, but a little rest is enough because true love would never complain; it would always find a way to understand the pain.

2.Love takes effort and acceptance. It won’t always be a happy ride; you’ll cry when you’re hurt, you’ll be sad when ignored, but you should hold on and always remember. Love hurts when it’s real.

3.Love doesn’t make the world go round. It makes the ride worthwhile.

4.In love,you have to expect absence at some point, but that doesn’t mean an end. All you have to do is to wait for a time, and give the person a space. Because true loved is proved when a person has seen the best people in the world, but still turns back to where you are,reaches for your hand ,and chooses you above the world’s best.

5.Love is when a man wipe your tears even if you let him hanging on the cross.